Stephen | Erin | Nathan | Jaxon

Stephen | Erin | Nathan | Jaxon

May 9, 2010

A Mother's Love

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, and dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-Agatha Christie

How lucky I am to be a mother to not only one, but two, beautiful boys.
They light up my life and bring me such joy I can't even explain it.
I never knew my heart could be filled with such love when Nathan
- calls me "mommy."
- takes me by the hand.
- asks me to tuck him in twice and sings our song with me.
- runs up to me, jumps in my arms, & wraps his arms around me.

I never knew my heart could be filled with such love when Jaxon
- says good morning with a bright smile.
- looks into my eyes & holds my finger.
- falls asleep so easily with his head on my heart.

Being a mother to my boys is the greatest gift life could ever give me. How blessed I am.

And to my mother...

Thank you for everything that you've ever done for me. I appreciate it more than you know and I wish that one day I can repay you for all that you've done for me. The love, the support, the confidence you've given has given me strength to make it through hard times, and knowing that you believed has kept me going when I've felt like giving up. I love you, Mom.

May 3, 2010

All Smiles.

"The world always looks brighter from behind a smile."
-Author Unknown

I was lucky enough to catch Jaxon's first smile on camera.

April 19, 2010
7 weeks

And they keep on coming.
And it's fan-tas-tic.
If it's even possible, I fall more in love with him each time he does it.

This smile has captured my heart & I can't help but smile back everytime I see it.
I am in love.

Warning to the future ladies who will be in his life:
1. He's going to be a heartbreaker.
2. I will always be the #1 woman in his life. =)

[[the pictures were taken on my phone, so please excuse the resolution & clarity.]]

April 19, 2010

for the record.

"Being a full time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love."
-Mildred B. Vermont
I don't think stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home wives get the credit they deserve.
...or even any credit at all.
If i had $1 for every time someone made a comment about me for "not contributing to the family income" I could go shopping guilt-free. Well, let me tell you something...
You are absolutely right. I don't contribute to the family income but I do contribute to the family. I don't have a job I get paid for, but I do have a job.
It's not a 9-5 job.
It's a 24/7 job.
I don't sit behind a desk and file papers.
I run around the house & town taking care of business.
I don't have scheduled meetings to go to.
I'm on call whenever my family needs me.
I don't receive a paycheck.
I work for the satisfaction of knowing I'm being a good wife & mom.
I'm just so tired of feeling a sense of guilt when people mention that I'm using Stephen for money (& if you're in the military, we all know we're not in it for the money) or that I'm holding us back because there's only one income in the family. I'm tired of feeling guilty that I don't put on a business suit [[or scrubs]] in the morning to go to work. I'm tired of feeling useless just because I don't get a paycheck.
It aggravates me to no extent and I can't even put how it really makes me feel into words.
When I wake up in the morning, sure, I don't put on my work clothes, rush to drop the kid off at daycare, and go to work for the next 8 hours. But I do wake up, kiss my baby boy good morning and hold him close as I feed him breakfast knowing that there's no time limit on how long I get to cuddle him. There are phone calls to be made, bills to be paid, dishes to be cleaned, laundry to be washed, laundry to be folded, laundry to be put away, floors to be vacuumed, floors to be swept, bottles to be prepared, dogs to be fed, accounts to be balanced, more laundry to be washed, appointments to go to, groceries to be bought, meals to be cooked, trash to be emptied, more bottles to be prepared, a baby to put to sleep...shall I continue?
Don't get me wrong...there are people out there who can work and keep up the home (more power to them!) but I believe being a stay-at-home mom is a job in itself. So, don't tell me that I'm not contributing to the family. Instead, tell me how taking care of my family and my home is not contributing to the family.
Being a mother is the greatest joy that I could ever imagine and being able to stay at home with my baby is a wonderful thing...I never miss a moment or a milestone. Those who work and are gone all day should be jealous of us.
Okay, now I believe I'm beginning to ramble.
Moral of the story: I have a job. I don't get a paycheck but that's because you can't put an amount to it.
It's priceless.

March 30, 2010

Hush Little Baby

"A crying baby is the best form of birth control."
-Carole Tabron

I was warned that your second child is always the opposite from your first. I was skeptic. Until now.

Nathan was so independent. Didn't really cry and was happy 90% of the time. He would sit in his swing and just be happy as can be. Granted, I had lots of help from his grandparents but I don't really remember me wanting to pull my hair out as much as....well, now.

Jaxon Jaxon Jaxon. He cries and cries and cries.

He cries when he's:
-has a dirty diaper
-getting his diaper changed
-in a clean diaper
He cries when:
-he wants his pacifier
-his pacifier falls out
-he's sucking on his pacifier
-you pick him up
-you put him down
-he's in his swing
-he's in his other swing
-he's in his bouncer
-he's in his crib
-you rock him
-you sing to him

So, when is he not crying?
When he's sleeping.

I already feel like a first time mom again. The real first time though, I had help with an experienced grandma who seemed like she knew everything there was to know about babies. This time around, Stephen & I are on our own. Seeing as how Stephen leaves for work by 6:00 am and doesn't get home until dinner time, I am completely alone during the day. When he cries I worry that he's uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, hungry, in pain, gassy, etc. So I do everything to check and make sure he's just fine, which he usually is. But he just.won't.stop.crying. It breaks my heart. If it doesn't stop when I cradle him I'm overcome with this fear that he just hates me. Okay okay. I'm sure I'm overreacting and he doesn't hate me...but I can't help but fear it.

Just when I think that he'll never stop, something happens and he stops crying.
Maybe he comforted himself or maybe it was actually something that I did to calm him.
I like to think it was something I did and I give myself a little pat on the back.
I can do this.

Welcome Baby Jax

A new baby is like the beginning of all things - wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
-Eda J. Le Shan

On March 2, Stephen and I welcomed our newest addition into the family. Introducing,

Jaxon Bradford Kutch

8 lbs 5 oz 21 in

I've noticed that moms always share their "horror" labor stories with other moms...I guess it's just a mom thing. There was nothing absolutely terrible about it, I suppose. He decided to arrive 5 days late, the nurse bent the needle when inserting the IV resulting in an arm that hurt more than the contractions, the epidural wore off by the time it was time to push, and anyone that was within a 5 mile radius of the hospital probably heard my screams (which I promised myself I wouldn't do). I faintly remember begging them to cut me open because he was too big and "hurt too bad." Toughen up, Erin.

The end result is amazing though. Everything that just happened and all the torture you endured is completely forgotten about as you hold your child for the first time.

Absolutely amazing.

Welcome Jaxon to this crazy, hectic, yet beautiful world. It's full of mystery, temptation, surprises both good and bad, chance, desire, wonders, and love. I promise that Daddy & I will always be there to help, support, guide, and love to the end.